How To Buy Condoms…

We all know (atleast the guys do) how embarrassing it can get while trying to buy condoms for the first time, especially in Indian context. Think of going to your local chemist and asking him for a packet of ManForce. Some people call it “chhatri”, others “topi”, but everyone is so damn shy.

Here are a few tips how to go about it.

1. Tell the shopkeeper that you are conducting a survey as a NACO volunteer and need to know what all brands of condoms are easily available in the market, their prices and most importantly, as a part of the “study”, you have to test their efficacy.

2. Take a sheet of paper, write down some 4-5 medicines on it along with condoms and start with, “uncle, papa ne kuchh dawaayiaan mangwaayi hai….”. Just make sure that you don’t put medicines for joints pain, piles or diarrhea on the list, though Viagra is safe.

3. Buy a Lava mobile. I know it’s a touch expensive way but it has the additional benefit that you might also get a girl to use it with.

4. Point out some random guy in the market and innocently say, “Bhaiyya, woh uncle ek packet Durex mangwa rahe hain….khaansi bahut ho rahi hai unhe” 😛

5. And the easiest way ever. Go to the shop with a sheepish smile (should be easy if you are actually getting laid for the first time) and just stand there. They know the type by now.

Or be a man and Haq Se Maango!

How did you buy your first?

P.S. I first bought condoms when I was in eleventh (though I didn’t use them) from a shop 2 kms away from my home.

Go-ogle Me

Here is a list of keywords people used to reach this blog. I need to do a few more raunchy posts to increase the traffic. The only thing I don’t understand is why on earth people are searching “Anant Vidur Puri”?


mathematical poem

sperma 10
kitne pakistan 7
sperma+simply j 6
sex+mumbai 5
+copmin iit delhi 5
aaj ka rashifal 5
mathematical poems 4
\”kitne pakistan\” 4
utaran 3
jindal 3
baba ramdev 3 3
“anant vidur puri” 3
orkut internship 3
ragging at iit and geetanjali 3
yeh toh bada toing hai 3 3
nanga nahana 3
funny lines on seniors in office mass bunking 3
buildin a resume 2 2
beti sex storey 2
“o you evil” anagram 2
neha dhupiya 2
yauvan ki kahaniyan 2
sometime we need to go through hell to get to heaven 2
kurta impressions 2
aatankvaad 2
3 mathematical poem 2
ndtv barkha dutt 2
that thing called love tuhin sinha 2
kumaon iit 2
cherished impressions 2
swapna phal 2
poems about first crush impressions 2
php100 iit 2
aaj tak sansani news 2
bindass calender 2
anant vidur puri 2
“meri palkon par saja de” 2
rashifal 2
“noise of india” funny 2
prem rog 2
iitian “faith and religion” 2
khushboo porns 2
fuck mandira bedi+timepass+ravi khanna 2
tona totka 2
anmol & shambhvi, g talk 2



दर्द को कागज़ पर उतारने की कोशिश करता हूँ मैं
बहते हुए पानी को रोकने की गुजारिश करता हूँ  मैं
सच ने भी जब मेरा साथ ना दिया
तो खुद से झूठ बोलने की सिफारिश करता हूँ मैं

कलम की स्याही मेरे आंसुओं में बह गई
कहना  था जो, वो बात दिल में ही रह गई
बेजुबान हुए हम यूं ही बैठे रहे
खामोशी हमारी सब बात कह गई

यूं ही निशाँ बनाते रहे कलम दवात लिए
ज़रा ध्यान से देखा जो हमने
तेरी ही सूरत नज़र आई

P.S. Comments barred.


So, Nishi told me about this contest where one has to write a story in less that 140 chars (Twitter char limit). The theme of the contest is “Night”. Here is my attempt:

We fought all day long. Then the night enveloped my ego, her ambitions, our love. Sex was good.
We fought all day long. Then the night enveloped my ego, her ambitions, our love. Today, I complete my jail-term.

P.S. You are allowed to leave comments in more than 140 chars. 😛


An Empty Room


Rain and lightning struck in all their fury but in vain against the thick wooden walls. The whistle of a passing train pierced the night sky buy inside it sounded nothing more than a distant muffled beep. Far from the civilized world, where concrete had not yet replaced the timber (and the din of alarm clocks was not loud enough to suppress the early morning croaks), stood the cottage, probably built by some hermit but now deserted, empty.

When he came there for the first time, it was in ruins. He had renovated it piece by piece in his dozen odd visits spread over the last seventeen years. His arrival was never planned. One day, he would just get up in the middle of the night, board the train and jump in the wilderness near pole number 583. There was no other convenient way to reach this cottage which he lovingly called Hell.


There is no absolute truth. It’s all relative depending upon one’s perspective. The storm outside felt like a mere drizzle in comparison to the tornado raging inside his heart. The confused, cacophonous melee of thoughts made his head throb with pain. As soon as he entered the room, it was no longer empty. For not just his body, but his thoughts, his problems, his entire existence invaded the room. As he jumped near the pole number 583, he might have successfully left his home, his family, his work behind but how could one run away from himself. And here alone in the Hell, he had nothing to distract him, nothing to save him from the purgative fire, silently gnawing at him.


But was the room empty even before he entered it? Air, dust, pollen. He was looking for something else.Voices from a distant past reverberating, rebounding from wall to wall, soothing sounds of the hermit’s chant, passionate panting of a run-away couple’s love-making, frightening frowns of a bandit, his own tired humming after cleaning the floor. Every time someone entered the cottage, he left some indelible imprint of his individuality etched on the walls, not in a vulgar graffiti like manner but in a more subtle, yet more impactive way. He let his soul fill in those sounds, interact with them, scream out its feelings, battle, cut, bruise itself. For sometimes we have to wage a war to get peace. Or as he believed, ‘The road to heaven must pass through Hell.’

In the morning, he again jumped on the train near pole number 583. Another day at the prison hanging people.

Glass. Room. Life.

How Dark is Dark Enough?

How dark is dark enough?
Dark like your kohl lined eyes
Or dark like the clouds on a rainy night
For both have the power to save lives
Both can cause havoc with all their might

How dark is dark enough?
Dark like the echoing wails of a raped woman
Or dark like the scurrilous yelps of the culprit
For both have lost the essence of being human
Both in a renewed search, of a slut, a slit.

How dark is dark enough?
Dark like the ideas in my impious brain
Or Dark like the sea nine fathom deep
For both lay dormant, unexplored, behind a curtain
Both can bring a tsunami as you lay asleep

How dark is dark enough?
Dark like the tears of a martyr’s mother
Or dark like the first drops of rain
For both will bring momentary joy to other
Both will be lost in the deluge, pain

How dark is dark enough?
Dark like the hour just before the dawn
Or dark like the first hours of the night
(Perhaps there is no answer)
For both miss the Sun by just a whisker
None is never dark enough to nibble the light.

P.S. Special thanks to Kriti for the last two stanza and in general, as well. 😛

छोटा सा कदम…

आज एक छोटा सा कदम बढ़ाया है
नन्हीं आँखों ने एक सपना नया सजाया है
उस मंजिल को हमदम अपना बनाया है
आज एक छोटा सा कदम बढ़ाया है

माँ कहती है, छोटे कदमों की पहुँच बड़ी होती है
क़दमों की लम्बाई नहीं, इंसान की सोच बड़ी होती है
बड़े क़दमों ने तो अक्सर रौंदा है यह जहां
छोटे छोटे कदम मिला ही बनता है कारवां

आज एक छोटा सा कदम बढ़ाया है
आँगन की मिट्टी से एक कच्चा पक्का गुल्लक बनाया है
उस गुल्लक को अपने सपनों के रंगों से सजाया है
आज एक छोटा सा कदम बढ़ाया है

माँ कहती है, गरीबी एक अभिशाप है
सब गुण निगल जाए, ऐसा भयानक सांप है
माँ, मगर सपने तो सब देखते होंगे
शायद गरीबों के सपने थोड़े मैले-कुचले होंगे

हमारे सपनों में ice-cream, chocolates होती है जहां
उनके सपनो में शायद रुखी सुखी सी रोटी हो वहां
माँ कहती है, अपने सपनों के पीछे तो भागते हैं सभी
किसी दूसरे के सपनें पूरे करो, सच्ची ख़ुशी मिलती है तभी

इसीलिए आज एक छोटा सा कदम बढ़ाया है
रोज़ गुल्लक में एक का सिक्का डालने का नियम बनाया है
प्रिया दीदी से एक साल का हिसाब लगवाया है
आज एक छोटा सा कदम बढ़ाया है

माँ कहती है, भूखे को खाना नहीं काम देना चाहिए
एक दिन का नहीं, रोज़ का इंतज़ाम देना चाहिये
३५० रुपये का आता है बूट पालिश का डब्बा
अगली दिवाली किसी को काली स्याही से रोशनी का ईनाम देना चाहिए

आज एक छोटा सा कदम बढ़ाया है
अपनी पुरानी किताबों पर जिल्द नया चढ़ाया है
अपने ड्राईवर के बेटे को २ का पहाड़ा पढ़ाया है
नन्हीं आँखों ने एक सपना नया सजाया है
आज एक छोटा सा कदम……..