Raping the Metaphor

A lot has been said about Salman Khan’s insensitive comments comparing his travails during the shooting of the movie Sultan with the ordeal borne by a raped woman. The Indian media was quick to pick up the story but forgot that it was their own journalists who were laughing at the press conference after Salman’s comments. Everyone from my kaamwali bai to my boss seems scandalized by Bhai’s comment. And while I do not condone the comments made by him, I have often heard people around me (myself included) using rape as a metaphor for anything that goes wrong!

Mathematics during graduation was tough. It was made even tougher by some professors who took sadistic pleasure in setting such difficult papers that it was almost impossible to score. And after the exam, we, young boys studying in the best engineering college in the country, would exclaim, “Rape ho gaya, yaar!”.

Cricket in India is almost like a religion. So, the final and deciding one-dayer between India vs South Africa had me all charged up last October. Centuries by De-Kock, ABdV and Faf meant that the next day at office, I was left exclaiming,  “Kya yaar, kal toh rape hi ho gaya”.

Germany thrashed Brazil 7-1 in the Football World Cup semi-finals. It was almost like a gang-rape.

This is what the Urban Dictionary has to say :

Rape: To utterly defeat another person in any form of competitive activities.
Example: Dude, I totally raped your ass during that last game of Age of Empires.

Salman Khan, being a public figure, should have exercised more caution while making that statement but rather than criticizing him, we should first look inwards.

 

Kahin Toh……..

Kahin to.. kahin to
Hogi wo,
Duniya jahan tu mere saath hai..

Jahan mein, jahan tu,
Aur jahan, bass tere mere jazbaat hai,
Hogi jahan subah teri,
Palko ki, kirano mein,
Lori jahan chand ki,
Sune teri baahoin mein..

Jaane naa kahan wo duniya hai,
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi,
Jahan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi..

P.S. Plan to get back to blogging soon. Get ready for the most mind-blowing crap I always dish out. 😀

For now, couldn’t get this song out of my head. So posting it just to remind you I still have the same awesome taste. 😛

Also, I realized leaving a comment is so much pain sometimes. You have to read the complete shit, decipher hidden meanings, come up with your interpretation, admonish the author for his stupid ideas pretending to like the post at the same time. And then they ask you to enter the captcha and everything. So, I will simplify it for you. Please no need to leave any comments. You can now directly contribute to my Savings A/c No. 0008290018920.

With a heart full of malice

Waiting to drink from the holy chalice

J

A Cynic’s Diary II

A lot , I repeat, a lot has already been said about Baba Ramdev and his fast-unto-death (or party ticket,eh?). From SRK to Salman, Sagarika Ghosh to Arnab Goswami, Facebook to Twitter, people have described it as a mere political gimmick, an act of rare patriotism, Gandhi 3.0  et al. If you do not support his mission, then you are tagged as unpatriotic, cynical, upper-class snobs etc etc. But then this is a cynic’s diary and I don’t give a damn about what people say (except ofcourse your valuable comments. :D)

I, like most Indians, agree in principle with both Anna and Baba Ramdev. The black money stashed in Swiss bank accounts can almost single-handedly solve the problem of poverty in India. Also, there should be more stringent laws to see it to that the money, if ever, brought back from these accounts actually reach the people and do not land back in Swiss Banks, albeit under different account holder names. So far so good.

My problem is with the method. Remember Kirori Singh Bainsla, the Gujjar leader, most famous for blocking railroads for getting reservation for Gujjars for almost every post, from peon to Prime-Minister (for himself). Remember Potti Sri Ramulu, the man behind formation of Andhra ( I am not saying that carving out smaller states based on language etc was a bad idea but the process has continued unterminated….JaganMohan Reddy). Isn’t this fasting-unto-death in presence of media limelight akin to those protests? Holding the state to ransom?

It is all so nice to compare this fasting method to the one adopted by Bapu but there is a basic difference. There was no democracy at that time. But now, we are a fully democratic republic. If Baba Ramdev has a problem and thinks that only he can save this nation, he should contest an election by all means, get elected and then present a bill in the Parliament to bring change. What Anna Hazare (post World Cup) and now Baba Ramdev (post IPL) have done is setting up a bad precedent. You want something, tell media channels that you are fasting-unto-death, go to Jantar Mantar, sit on a Dharna…..etc etc. I am not saying that all people who do so get their demands fulfilled but it is certainly worth a try. Don’t be surprised if tomorrow Mr. Bainsla is seen using a similar ploy, or if some Telangana supporters go on a fast.

I, to some extent supported Anna Hazare’s case but Baba has diluted the seriousness of the issue.

Some of the demands of Baba Ramdeva are ludicrous and some of those are the ones that the government has shrewdly already agreed to.

Engineering and Medical education in Hindi. As an engineer, from self-experience, I can say that it was pretty tough understanding a few concepts even after referencing several books from world-renowned authors. But then, Hindi is our mother tongue and we have a rich collection of Marathi books on Brillouin zone.

Abolishing Rs.1,000 and Rs.500 currency notes. I think this one has more to do with health rather than corruption. People carrying large bundles of money should make them stronger. Nice move.

Replacing the British-inherited system of governance, administration, taxation, education, law and order with a swadeshi alternative. Dear Baba Ramdev, please clearly state what this desi alternative is. Raja, Maharaja and all…..mazaa aayega. Or the swadeshi system where the male is all powerful and the females are mere puppets. Or the Varna system as there was during Ram Rajya.

Ensuring that all citizens declare annually their incomes. Yea, the government doesn’t want to do that cuz otherwise there will be a lot of tax-collection and Income Tax Officers would have a lot of work to do and the government is an ever so considerate employer.There are ways by which this can actually be done but suggest those ways rather than just sitting there and doing Alom-Vilom.

Jiska kaam usi ko saaje

Dooja kare to bandar laage

How To Buy Condoms…

We all know (atleast the guys do) how embarrassing it can get while trying to buy condoms for the first time, especially in Indian context. Think of going to your local chemist and asking him for a packet of ManForce. Some people call it “chhatri”, others “topi”, but everyone is so damn shy.

Here are a few tips how to go about it.

1. Tell the shopkeeper that you are conducting a survey as a NACO volunteer and need to know what all brands of condoms are easily available in the market, their prices and most importantly, as a part of the “study”, you have to test their efficacy.

2. Take a sheet of paper, write down some 4-5 medicines on it along with condoms and start with, “uncle, papa ne kuchh dawaayiaan mangwaayi hai….”. Just make sure that you don’t put medicines for joints pain, piles or diarrhea on the list, though Viagra is safe.

3. Buy a Lava mobile. I know it’s a touch expensive way but it has the additional benefit that you might also get a girl to use it with.

4. Point out some random guy in the market and innocently say, “Bhaiyya, woh uncle ek packet Durex mangwa rahe hain….khaansi bahut ho rahi hai unhe” 😛

5. And the easiest way ever. Go to the shop with a sheepish smile (should be easy if you are actually getting laid for the first time) and just stand there. They know the type by now.

Or be a man and Haq Se Maango!

How did you buy your first?

P.S. I first bought condoms when I was in eleventh (though I didn’t use them) from a shop 2 kms away from my home.

Go-ogle Me

Here is a list of keywords people used to reach this blog. I need to do a few more raunchy posts to increase the traffic. The only thing I don’t understand is why on earth people are searching “Anant Vidur Puri”?

 

mathematical poem

15
sperma 10
kitne pakistan 7
sperma+simply j 6
sex+mumbai 5
+copmin iit delhi 5
aaj ka rashifal 5
mathematical poems 4
\”kitne pakistan\” 4
utaran 3
jindal 3
baba ramdev 3
http://www.exotic.wordpress.com 3
“anant vidur puri” 3
orkut internship 3
ragging at iit and geetanjali 3
yeh toh bada toing hai 3
http://www.exotic.wordpress.com 3
nanga nahana 3
funny lines on seniors in office mass bunking 3
buildin a resume 2
exotic.wordpress.com 2
beti sex storey 2
“o you evil” anagram 2
neha dhupiya 2
yauvan ki kahaniyan 2
sometime we need to go through hell to get to heaven 2
kurta impressions 2
aatankvaad 2
3 mathematical poem 2
ndtv barkha dutt 2
that thing called love tuhin sinha 2
kumaon iit 2
cherished impressions 2
swapna phal 2
poems about first crush impressions 2
php100 iit 2
aaj tak sansani news 2
bindass calender 2
anant vidur puri 2
“meri palkon par saja de” 2
rashifal 2
“noise of india” funny 2
prem rog 2
iitian “faith and religion” 2
khushboo porns 2
fuck mandira bedi+timepass+ravi khanna 2
tona totka 2
anmol & shambhvi, g talk 2

 

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दर्द को कागज़ पर उतारने की कोशिश करता हूँ मैं
बहते हुए पानी को रोकने की गुजारिश करता हूँ  मैं
सच ने भी जब मेरा साथ ना दिया
तो खुद से झूठ बोलने की सिफारिश करता हूँ मैं

कलम की स्याही मेरे आंसुओं में बह गई
कहना  था जो, वो बात दिल में ही रह गई
बेजुबान हुए हम यूं ही बैठे रहे
खामोशी हमारी सब बात कह गई

यूं ही निशाँ बनाते रहे कलम दवात लिए
…………………………………………..
ज़रा ध्यान से देखा जो हमने
तेरी ही सूरत नज़र आई

P.S. Comments barred.

Tweetory

So, Nishi told me about this contest where one has to write a story in less that 140 chars (Twitter char limit). The theme of the contest is “Night”. Here is my attempt:

We fought all day long. Then the night enveloped my ego, her ambitions, our love. Sex was good.
or
We fought all day long. Then the night enveloped my ego, her ambitions, our love. Today, I complete my jail-term.

P.S. You are allowed to leave comments in more than 140 chars. 😛

control.aj.NIY.nite.mktwpx.noBook