Nine Point Someone: What to do at IITD

Disclaimer: Before Chetan Bhagat blames me on his blog, I would like to give due credit to him. The title of this post is a direct rip-off from the name of his bestseller: FPS-What not to do at IITD.

Being a science student, I am naturally a firm non-believer in any kind of superstitions. On the contrary, I take every possible opportunity to mock the irrational customs and beliefs. So, if a black cat crosses my path, rest assured that I will try my best to be the first one to cross the path after her even if I am going for an important exam; and later at night, come back, having had a satisfactory day and laugh at the cat who went foodless all day long (maybe she will learn her lesson and never cross my path again :P). Then there is the age old sneezing superstition: 1 sneeze-bad luck, 2 sneezes-good luck, 3 sneezes-go to the doctor. So, while my credulous little sis used to prick her nose to get the elusive second sneeze, I showed great self-control to stop just after one. However, there are a few superstitions which my insecurities and desire for success have made me a victim of.

1. Never Buy A Book: This is the first golden rule I have learnt during my five years stay at IITD. While a lot of friends attribute it to my parsimonious nature, here is the reason why I absolutely abhor buying textbooks:

  • Semester 1: Bought Engineering Drawing textbook. Got B-, the lowest grade that semester.
  • Semester 2: Bought Goodrich, Tamassia for Data Structures. Failed. Repeated it all over again next semester.
  • Semester 3: AT’s fear made me buy a textbook for DMS. Got C grade, the lowest passing grade in my degree till date.

It’s is generally said that “Books are a man’s best friend” but in my case it goes like, “A man’s friends are his best books”. So, I stopped buying books after these three debacles and rather borrowed them from my friends and always topped. But still, my rational science-oriented mind said that it was stupid logic and I was just trying to find excuses. So, I went ahead and bought not one but thirteen odd books for IAS preparations. This time I didn’t flunk but left the preparations altogether after two months. So, it’s crystal clear now. NO BOOKS FOR ME. Guess am too intelligent to let books meddle with my clear thinking.

2. Bathing: Now, that I am at home, I am tortured in the meanest possible way by making me shower everyday (wlse my mom doesn’t serve me breakfast and I make pretty bad Maggi). In the last two months, they have made me bathe so many times that….umm…how to put it….मेरी skin कई जगह से गल गई है. However, when I was in hostel, bathing was always a weekly ritual. Probably that’s why Sunday is called Sab-Bath in some religions. 😛 But I always made it a point to shower before my exams even if it was scheduled at 8 am on a freezing cold February morning. There were a few times when I gave this rule a miss (only to my own loss) but mostly I believe that having a shower before exams leads to good results.

3. All work and No play makes “Little Johnny” a dull boy: I’ve always believed in this age old adage and always find it to be a great stressbuster. But, it’s a big no-no before a big day. It’s like making a sacrifice to appease the Gods. However, I always promise it longer playing hours once the event is over. 😛

4. She Loves me, She Loves me Not: This is a pretty weird one but what else do you expect from me. So, twitching restlessly in my bed on the eve of some major event (it can be something as important as a debate final or as stupid as meeting a girl for the first time), I do this- Imagine myself winning big laurels the next day or being kissed by the cute girl. 😛 And then to ward off the curse of my own evil-eye, imagine myself making a complete fool of myself in front of everyone, being slapped by the girl and what not. And then comes the argument: Since, I am confident that I will win, Murphy’s Law will make me fall flat on my face. And now that I’ve said so, Murphy’s Law will let me win. But now, it’ll fail me. But now win…lose….win…lose….ad infintum. This goes on till I get irritated with myself and go off to sleep.

This post sounds a lot like a tag and you must be wondering who dared tag me this time round. But the truth is I came up with the idea because of an important cause. There are a lot of coaching centres teaching you how to crack IIT-JEE but there is hardly any literature on how to pass the next four years in IIT. Aamir Khan did tell us how to use our bodily fluids as a weapon against our seniors but what to do about studies???? So, I decided to take the inititative (hope they give me NSS hours for this humanitarian step) to help you cope with the pressure and give you the success mantra to help you write more than 100 papers in 4 years. As you just read, it’s pretty simple. If you want to succeed in IITD, you needn’t study, all you need to do is not to buy any books, stay clean on the night before minors, and in case you are not able to restrain yourself, do take a shower before the exam. And since you neither need to study, nor you can play, spend your time running stupid recursive arguments in your head.

Best of Luck!

6 responses to “Nine Point Someone: What to do at IITD

  1. Brilliant beginning.. hilarious ‘disclaimer’ esp. d portion abt d cat.. n d ‘sabbath’ joke shows ur wit.. creative points abt books,’little johnny’ n d preparations u do fr useless stuff.. tabhi kisi mahan aatma(read me) ne kaha hai ki socho kum n karo jyada.. lol
    enjoyd ur post.. 🙂

  2. Hey, now please, please, please don’t hate me for this, but somehow from our interaction on Roop’s blog, I had thought you were a girl. Even till the middle of the post, till you made a mention of being kissed by a girl (now, don’t consider me prejudiced to have left out the possibility of someone’s being lesbian) I didn’t doubt you could be a guy, though your frank confession of your frequency of bathing sounded uncharacteristic.

    Very hilarious post! Blogrolling you!

    Take care.

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