Cafeddicted….

October 13, 2008

It’s 3 in the morning (or is it still night??)…….Minors are approaching…. I am lost in a web of cryptographic automations fuzzing out my life (My course list this semester reads Cryptology, Theory of Automata, Fuzzy Logic……..). I’ve already had five cups…..eh, wait….no, six cups of coffee since morning (I mean since I got up, 12:30 pm), 2 Frappe`, 2 croissant, 1 muffin…..et aI. I go to Nescafe like minimum 6 times in the 12 waking hours that I spend every day. That’s like a visit every 2 hours or so. But thats not my point.

3:15 am
I am walking back from Nescafe to the hostel slowly sipping coffee. I dial her number, but disconnect it before it rings…..she must have slept by now……I start thinking about random things…..life…future….cricket…..India…..financial meltdown……movies….sex…..drugs…..cigarettes…..I sit down on the Vindhyachal Hostel’s signpost and feel like writing a poem

Do kash dhue ke…
ya zindagi ke zue ke
Do kash dhue ke…
ya maut ke kue ke….

Ankit comes over and sit alongside smoking a cigarette. He tries to “teach” me how to inhale and exhale the smoke…..he is rattling on something about the sensation of the smoke going down your wind-pipe, the pleasure of exhaling from the nose rather than mouth……..he tells me about filters….various brands…..flavours…….how to hold the cigarette in a cool-manner…..I am a little wary about taking the first puff…..all my life I’ve only heard about how “Smoking is injurious to health”…..how one can get addicted……he says, “Come on, now don’t be a sissy…..”. I hold the cigarette from the tip of my fingers, giving my hand little vibrations…..trying to look “kewl”…..I bring it near to my mouth….but without even trying, take my hand back…..though I pretend to exhale fictitious smoke…..Ankit laughs at me……I feel stupid….and suddenly we both are laughing like mads…..he says, “chal nahi peena to koi na…..mujhe toh peene de…..”. I give the cigarette back to him…..we resume talking crap as he slowly starts making clouds of smoke……his eyes turn bloodshot….this gives him a grave look……suddenly, I take it from his hand…and try to puff it….smoke gushes down my throat…..I feel choked….I am coughing like anything…..Ankit is again laughing. I give it another shot…this time, its better. I give it back to him. I mentally scold myself for falling into the trap….resolving never to touch it again….I know one cigarette can’t possibly do any harm….but its the addiction part which I am afraid of. I lecture him on how smoking can make one a slave…how one’s mind can go numb and become completely dependent on it…. He laughs it off and walks away pretending to phone someone.

3:40 am

I feel tired and spent. I walk back to Nescafe for another cup of coffee.

P.S. The parallel is somewhat not very exact…..but real life is like that….

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