The Hypocrite Inside…

Kamre me akele padi roti bhookhi maa
Lagta hai, bachche jawaan ho gaye.
Mihir prerna hue ab apne
Khud ke maa baap se anjaan ho gaye.

Nalo se paani nahi, khoon tapakta hai aaj
Lagta hai shehar me fir dange ho gaye.
Odhe the kal tak na jaane kaun sa nakaab
Achanak aaj woh saare nange ho gaye.

Hui kashmir ki woh betiyaan is kadar ruswa
Lagta hai dhritrashtra se hum andhe ho gaye.
Bayaanbaaji, vaaydo me rakha hai kya
Ye to ab netaao, afsaro ke dhandhe ho gaye.

कमरे  में  अकेले  पड़ी  रोती  भूखी  माँ
लगता  है , बच्चे  जवान  हो  गए.
मिहिर  प्रेरणा  हुए  अब  अपने
खुद  के  माँ  बाप  से  अनजान  हो  गए.

नलों  से  पानी नहीं , खून  टपकता  है  आज
लगता  है  शहर  में  फिर दंगे  हो  गए.
ओढे  थे  कल  तक  न  जाने  कौन  सा  नकाब
आज अचानक  वो सब  नंगे  हो  गए.

हुई  कश्मीर  की  वो   बेटियाँ  इस  कदर  रुसवा
लगता  है  ध्रितराष्ट्र से  हम  अंधे  हो  गए.
बयानबाजी, वायदों  में रखा  है  क्या
ये  तो  अब  नेताओं , अफसरों  के  धंधे  हो  गए.

In Retrospect…

My sister came home recently and told me how my brother-in-law used to bunk his school and tuition classes and hang out at chaat corners. We ourselves reminisced about those golden school days. I was however surprised (and sad at the same time) that it has been just four years and I am already left with nothing but some hazy (but deeply cherished) memories from that period. And the more I try to remember, the more sketchy the details seem to be. However, there are a few incidents that are so finely etched in my mind that I can vividly recollect the entire incident as if I were looking in a pensieve.

I was in VIII grade when it happened. It was a rainy day, a cool breeze was blowing and nobody was in a mood to study. So the teacher instead tried to indulge us in a dumb charade game. Samta was acting out a movie’s name and I was in her team trying to guess it. But even after trying for two minutes, we were heading nowhere. Suddenly, almost on an impulse, I said, Titanic. She jumped, clapped excitedly and shouted Bingo. The game continued as earlier but something somewhere had changed. In the recess that afternoon, she came and shared her lunch with me. And we were soon ‘an item’ in the entire school before we eventually broke up a year later.

Ok, enough fiction, cut back to the real story.

I was in grade IV and (arrogant as it may sound) being the class topper for the last three years was the cynosure of every teacher’s eye. And as is usual in Indian schools, I was used as the perfect example of dedication, hard work, sincerity and what not by the teachers. Then there was this lad named Sagar (name changed) who was having a little trouble in keeping up with the studies. He performed terribly in the terminal exams and his notes were as always incomplete. The Maths teacher that day was in a quite a rage and was further infuriated by him not getting his report card signed by his parents. He was beaten black and blue(yeah, such things used to happen at that time in our school) and ordered to show her the completed notes by the end of the school that afternoon. Ofcourse, she gave her my notebook (and a lecture comparing the two of us) to do the work. I don’t know what possessed me at that time but in the recess while he had gone out to drink water, I went to his seat, took out his notebook and brought it to my desk. There I scratched out all the work he had done, tore out a few pages and made funny pictures all over.You don’t believe it? Neither do I. But this actually happened. He came back after a while and looked everywhere for his copy while I derived some sadist pleasure sitting on my desk and looking at his helpless figure.

The next period was again Maths. She asked him about the status of the work and he, crying hard, mortally afraid of what might follow, slowly told her that his copy was missing since the lunch break. Ironically, she asked me to check his desk and bag in case he was lying. No Mam, there is no Maths copy. I came back to my seat. He was again slapped twice for his carelessness.  After much deliberations, the teacher decided that someone in the class must have taken the notebook, there was no other logical possibility. She threatened us with dire consequences to own up for our actions. I was sweating profusely. She said she would herself check every single desk. I almost wetted my pants. There is no doubt about the morality of the situation or what my action should have been but perhaps the fear of ignominy got the better of me. Pretending to throw some pencil flakes in the dustbin, I got off my seat and threw away the ‘jinxed’ notebook. I can’t really tell you how relieved I felt when she checked my desk almost carelessly and moved to the next one.
But my relief was short-lived. She found the copy in the dustbin. Again she threatened to boil every one of our souls’ in hot oil if someone didn’t own up. A boy stood up and said, ‘I saw Ashish going to the dustbin and throwing the notebook’.

Me? Me of all people? What would I get out of such an act? ME?

The chain of events that followed is immaterial. I was acquitted in the end because of my good academic record and unblemished past.
Come to think of it now, I really have come a long way. I have a much stronger moral fibre now and am much more likely to stand up for my mistakes. But somethings have not changed. I still am the same stupid impulsive guy with his own insecurities. I genuinely feel sorry for what I did to that poor lad and will remember this moment of truth, when I really failed myself, forever(and thinking of it now, perhaps cherish it as one of those moments of childish foolishness which actually define that period).

A Man’s Best Friend…

Warning: This post contains sexually explicit content. Read under parental guidance.

Rating: PG13.

How many times have you heard the cliche’d ‘Diamonds are a girl’s best friend’? Be it a chic novel, some desperate TV show or a deBeers advertisement, you find it everywhere. But what about us? Who is our best friend? So, here are the top contenders for a boy’s (man’s) best friend.

1. Mobiles/ Bikes/ Video Games/ Gadgets : They simply define us. Ever played CounterStrike/AoE/NFS through the night and slept all day long? Fascinated by Iphone, latest gizmos, HayaBusa, Ferrari? As one of the advertisements proclaims, “Live off the edge“.

2. Momma : This one is for all you momma’s boys out there. Every thing you do, buy, wear  must be approved by your mom. You run to her every time you have a problem. She lovingly calls you “Schweetie”. And she disapproves of every single of your girlfriends, saving you future problems. So, isn’t she your best friend?

3. Beer : Though girls have picked up in this department of late, I don’t think they are any match to our guzzling capacity. Be it celebration or ‘moving on’ after a bitter break-up, beer is something that never fails to lift our spirits. Yeah, there has been the odd sulking DevDas, but Abhay Deol bottoming the SmirnOff in DevD, now how cool was that?

4. Sports : Cricket, Football, Tennis, Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball, you name it, we love it. And couple it with some booze, awesome! Someone rightly said, “A girl can safely sit naked in front of a boy when ManU is playing Real“. Actually not. There is always a half-time. Lol.

5. Porn movies : Now, don’t you give me that shocked look. “Porn? Me? Never…Its so disgusting“. We all know how you find it difficult to sleep without watching one. Don’t worry. Its normal. Men will be Men.

6. The Animal Inside : We all call it by different names, some prefer ‘Little Johnny‘, some just stick to ‘The Thing’, while some reverentially call it ‘The Devil Incarnate‘. How many of you have talked to ‘it’ while standing in a washroom and discussed about the hot girl you just saw? Though it is a very naughty friend and can land you in serious troubles but what fun is there without a mischievous friend.

Cast your vote now. You may add some other nominations if you wish.

Of Birthday Parties and Vandalism…

Just back from a birthday party. Not a friend of mine. One of our family friends’ grandson turned one. The banquet hall was decorated with over a thousand balloons and was looking awesome. Being a kid’s birthday party, a lot of children were there and they all created a lot of hullabaloo. Running from one end to other, dancing, fighting, eating and spilling (actually spilling and eating). The usual. Bored of it, one of the creative souls found a toothpick and started pricking the balloons. And within ten seconds, every kid in the party had a toothpick in his hand. (They say now that we evolved from Ida. I disagree. (After touching every damn monkey’s feet for the past twenty years thinking of him as my ancestor, you can’t do this to me). The way we people ape others, we definitely evolved from monkeys). And the Swabhiman Sena set out on its work, stopping only when not a single balloon was left. Oh, actually they didn’t stop even then. Across the hall were hanging cardboard cutouts with SHUBH (the birthday boy’s name) written over them. So, these kids next took it down. 5 letters and 20 kids. A fight started. Multiple fights started. Somehow spoons from the dinner cutlery made it to the centre. Children started hitting each other with them. The curtains were next to go followed by the tables. Cars burnt, trains disrupted, roads blocked, public property gutted…..

Oh, that didn’t actually happen in the party…..but in Bihar, cuz they failed to clear some examination. Had they studied rather than doing all this, they might just have succeeded. In no mood to write any further, you are intelligent enough (just kidding) to figure out my intended message.

Have a great weekend!

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

P.S. Some of you have sent in long mails telling how you miss my poems. Sorry, haven’t written anything of late. So, here are four impromptu crap lines….:P

Yun hello bol busy ho jaana tera (on Gtalk)
Miss call maar phone na uthaana tera
Kya karein dil da sohniye, saanu toh maar gaya
Gaali de yun ankh maar jaana tera…..